It’s been so long since I last post on Tumblr. I’ve been neglecting it for so long but now I’m back. This post is specially dedicated to my lover, Iqmal Hijaz. Baby, I know we have our ups and downs but we are still standing strong until today. Gosh, time flies so fast and now we’ve been together for almost 3 years already. It feels like just yesterday we started dating but look at us now. I never thought that we’ll make it this far but yeah this proved that nothing is impossible if you put your heart and mind to it. Kan baby kan? You are one a kind. You give me goosebumps every time I see you. You never fail to make me smile and that’s what I like about you. You can make me smile even on my worst of days. You are like magic. You make my dream come true because you ARE the dream. I never thought I will ever find anyone like you but God brought you to me because He knows that we are meant for one another. Every time I’m mad at you, my mind always plays mind tricks on me and make me thing the worst but the moment I see your face everything goes away and you make me smile again :) You are like sunshine. You make my heart shine. The sky may be starless. The night may be moonless but deep in my heart there’s a glow. For deep in my heart I know that you love me. The perfect thought is us together forever, the sweetest word is your name and the greatest thing is your love. All the times that we fight like we’re gambling our lives, I hope we never ever lose. I love you, those three words I tell you so much can’t have more meaning than anything else can ever possibly could. We are the love EVERLASTING. You make my heart skips a beat. My love for you shall always be awake in my dream. There’s nothing else in this world I want, only you. Material things means nothing to me if I don’t have you. I’d do anything to keep you in my life. I give you my world. There are no words that I can speak, no song that I can sing, and no gesture that I can show, to prove my love for you, for the love I have for you has no definition. How can I describe the sheer joy I feel with the very thought of you? How simply hearing your voice causes my heart to beat faster, my pulse to race and my smile to widen. How can just one person give me so much hope for a future I have always dreamed of? You have opened my heart and awakened my soul. You are my one and only true love. That is how I know that our love is everlasting. There is no words to describe how you mean to me. I love you. I miss you. I care for you. I long for you. I heart you. I belong to you. I want you. I need you. I breathe you. There is NO word to really express my feelings for you. I know that our hearts beats as one. This is a never ending post if I keep on going because you are endless. You make me happy whenever I’m with you.You are different from any guy I ever met in my life. You make me do things that I never thought I’d ever do. You showed me things that I never see. You make me feel alive again. You give me a purpose in life, to always be by your side. I hope that you will always love me no matter what and never see anyone else except for me. I want to have you forever, I don’t want anyone else to have you because you are originally mine and always be mine. You are a miracle sent from heaven to me. I really really hope that one day I will wake up in the morning and when I opened my eyes you will be there to say, I love you my wife. I want to have kids with you. Tons of em’. I want to grow old with you. I want to do everything with you. I want you to be with me every step of the way. I know that this is real. You are real. And even if we’re miles apart, you’re always in my heart. With every beat of my heart, I love you.

Can I live without him? That’s the question. Honestly, I don’t think I can. I feel like I’ve been with him my whole life so how can I live without someone who’s been there with me all this time? That’s another question. Hmm .. I still don’t understand how I can I feel so happy one moment only to have everything come crashing down the next. It’s like the world is playing some cruel joke on me. The horrible thing is that once you realize what it feels like to be happy, sadness is no longer numbness. I have to admit that even though I have pushed him away, now all I want is for him to pull me closer. I miss him to the infinity. I miss the way he smiles at me :) Gosh, I’d do anything to see that smile again. Priceless. The memories that we have build together throughout these years are irreplaceable. Permanent. I love every little thing he does. The way his cheeks blushed when he does something embarrassing, the way he eats and enjoy every bite of it, the way he will put up with me even though I annoys him to bits, the way he cares about me when I complained that I’m in pain and try his best to make it go away, the way he make nothing and everything become so precious, the way you make me feel when you’re around like I’m the luckiest girl in the whole entire Milky Way and a whole loads more that would take me forever to list it all down. Only God knows how much he means to me and how much I really feel about him, nobody could understand. I miss you .. :(

Okay, I’m like so literally dying of boredom since spm is behind me now. I’m like l i f e l e s s ever since then. So, just thought of posting something. Well, I don’t actually know what to say but let’s just give it a shot shall we? It’s been almost a week since spm is over and here I am now lying on my bed doing this. Pfft. I know right. Where’s all the awesome plans? Well, most of my friends is still not done with their papers so yeah. Plus, I don’t know why but I’m just kinda lazy to go out since Hijaz is not here. Yeah, he is in Johor Bahru furthering his studies. He’ll be there for like a year. I only get to see him once a month so it’s kinda frustrating. I used to see him like every single day and now booom! no more. I miss spending my days with him. We’re like totally inseparable. And now, all we do is talk to each other through the cellphone. It’s sad but what to do he needs to study right? I cannot hold him back like I did the last time. Hehe. Sorry. I just can’t stand being away from you. But now, I just need to accept the fact that I need to learn how to let loose. You have a dream to chase so I need to be supportive of you and I am trying my very best here. So you can give me some credits for that right? You don’t know how bad I missed you. Like really bad. Trust me. I hope that nothing or no one will ever come between us. I really want this relationship to last. I’m not the type of girl who jumps from a relationship to another. I’m really committed to you. If so, I would like to marry you one fine day and be with you for the rest of our lives. Please take good care of yourself okay? I will be right here waiting for you to ask me for a hand in marriage :’) I am in love with you, Hijaz <3 Don’t ever doubt that.

Do you believe when people say that you need to face the consequences for your actions eventually? I do. I know what I did was terrible. I know that I hurt you in so many ways. I know that lying to you wasn’t a solution but an option. I should have told you from the start. Things wouldn’t be this bad if I have told you earlier. I know it hurts to find out when the one person you really trust lied to your face. It’s like you’ve been hit by a truck. I just don’t know where to begin and I don’t really know how it’s going to end. What I know that it’s really hard for you to trust me anymore after what had happened. I know that I don’t have the right to talk about trust anymore. But all I want to say that it’s the only thing that I didn’t tell you that you should know since we’ve been together. I promise you this. Actually, I lied to you not only because I know that you were going to get mad but because I know that it’ll hurt me to hurt you. I know that I am being selfish but how can I not be selfish when you mean everything to me. I just can’t stand the thought of losing you. But I guess now I am the one who is pushing you away from me. You are really the first real relationship I’ve ever had. You make me believe that there’s hope here somewhere, that we can really be together till the day we tied the knots. That you are really the one for me. I always pray that you are really my destiny. No guy ever make me feel the way you have. You make me feel like I am the luckiest person to have such great person to go life through with every single day. You make me feel that yes I have found the one, that not all guys are the same. You give me faith that love wasn’t a waste of time. I am so sorry that I betrayed your trust. You gave me everything that a girl only wished for. You gave me a life. If I could turn back time and get back to where we started, where we first fall in love with each other, I would. I would’t have hurt you this bad. I know that you are looking for a serious relationship but just so you know I am seriously in love with you. I want you to be there when I fall, I want you see through it all, I want you to be the one I loved. I want you to hold me in my sleep, I want you to show me what I need, I want you show me how down deep. I WANT YOU. If you feel that this relationship is not worth it anymore, I can’t do anything. All I can do is hope that you’ll give me another chance to prove to you that I really do love you because I know that sometimes you really doubt that. It’s hard to earn someone’s trust back once you have broken it but I will try as hard as I can to gain yours back. I don’t want you just to love me but I also want you to trust me. In a good relationship, trust is really important. I am not forcing you to trust me again but I hope someday you will learn to open your heart in trusting me again. I want to be the girl you’re proud of, I want to be the girl that you looked up to, I want to be the girl that you couldn’t compare to any other girls and most importantly I want to be the girl that you fall in love with everytime you look into my eyes. I want to be yours always. Just hope someday you’ll have faith in me again. There is so many things I wanna say but I’m running out of words. I know it wasn’t right, I should have told you the truth. But when I looked at your face, I knew that you were happy. I didn’t want to destroy your hope because that would be wrong. But now that I look back on it, I should have told you the truth. Even though the truth can hurt, the lie is burden I hold and I cant get rid of it. I should have told you the truth, It’s my fault I’m hurting but I couldn’t stand for you to hate me. I’m sorry, so sorry, I should have told the truth. I am just so sorry.. I gave my heart & soul to you, Iqmal Hijaz.

Tumblr, I am very sorry for neglecting you for so long. I was so caught up with my life till I forgot my one best friend, my tumblr. I would like to take this opportunity to wish all of the Muslims all around the universe, Selamat Hari Raya Aidlifitri & Maaf Zahir Batin. 2010 doesn’t feel that much of raya because I’m sitting for the biggest exam in November, SPM. Pray for me people so I will past with flying colors ;’) OHMY! I haven’t even touch my book, God help me! D: Trials in another 2 weeks. Seriously, HELP ME! Okay, on to the next. My life have been so good lately. My love life in particular is going stronger than ever. * a round of applause for that. We are doing so fine, less fights more love. I am very lucky to have such a great guy. He is a very understanding and matured-thinking. He knows how to differentiatewhat is right and what is not. He thinks for the future, what is ahead. I really hope that he’ll achieve whatever he dreams for because he really deserved it, really. He has high dreams, with a lil of effort I am sure he will succeed. Believe me. He has a bight future. I really hope that he is really my DESTINY. No one else but him. He completes me. I don’t need any other guy, just him. We are so happy together. He never fails on making me smile. It’s a huge turn on! When a guy can make you smile or laugh that’s a big achievement. It means that you are really happy. We are not all that perfect, we have our ups and downs but we manage to give and take. We learn to be understanding with each other, don’t be so ego. I learn that when you don’t put your ego aside then don’t be surprise when you lose the one you actually love. To build a strong and lasting relationship you need to understand your partner, not let your ego overcome yourself. You need to see with your heart, open your eyes so that you won’t regret it someday. I am content. I am very grateful with what I have right now. Great family, loving boyfriend, happy life. Perfect. How time past so fast, now I’m already seventeen years old another 6 or 7 years I can get married already. I can be a wife, mother or even a grandma. I hope I will live my life to the fullest because life is to short so why waste every chance you get because you never know when your time comes. Well I just want to give a shout out to my darling boyfriend, Iqmal Hijaz. My dear, you have been such a wonderful boyfriend to me. I can never ask for anyone better, no one do it like you do. I catch my breath every time I’m around you. You never know how precious you are to me. No one ever looked at me the way you do. No one ever loved me the way you do. Most importantly, no one have love you the way I do. You are just one of a kind. I never thought that I’ll find anyone like you but you found me. Finally. I pray that we will always be together and nothing can tear us apart. Just know that, even if you’re thousand miles away my heart is wherever you are <3